Denver Westword sharesa few egregiously irresponsible things to get drunk and do on St. Patrick’s Day:
Tackle short people and try to make them grant you wishes.
Urinate on every green thing you see.
Make the following joke: “Heard about the shit in Libya? Well, at least they don’t have any tsunami-triggered nuclear fallout to deal with! That’s right, I’m talking about YOU, Japan! Hay-o!”
Try to become the Foursquare mayor of the Denver city jail.
Operate a motor vehicle.
Have a manic episode and do a series of nationally televised interviews. Make sure to call your former employer a contaminated little maggot and insist that you have tiger blood. Then give yourself alcohol poisoning. Dying is for fools.
Paint yourself green — using permanent marker.
Draw questionable conclusions using unsubstantiated statistics and non-peer-reviewed studies to support them. That’s right, we’re going off the fucking hook over here.
Take your dog for a walk. Let him crap all over the place.
Wear a “Fuck me, I’m Irish” shirt to your office job
Obtain one Lucky Charms tattoo.
Buy “The Town” on Blu-ray.
Spray-paint festive shamrocks on your girlfriend’s car and then ask her to drive you to bars.
LORIPALOOZA • A SHOW TO BENEFIT THE CALLAHAN FAMILY • SUNDAY MARCH 13 Dozens of Denver comics are coming together to support one of their own at Loripalooza! Lori Callahan, one of our beloved local talents, needs our help (You can read more about it here) and we have a kickass show so you can come and show your support! Purchase a ticket for $10 and also get your name entered to win tons of awesome prizes that have been donated! You can call 303.595.3637 to purchase over the phone or you can visit our website to purchase online. We appreciate all of you, spread the word!