Denver Westword sharesa few egregiously irresponsible things to get drunk and do on St. Patrick’s Day:
Tackle short people and try to make them grant you wishes.
Urinate on every green thing you see.
Make the following joke: “Heard about the shit in Libya? Well, at least they don’t have any tsunami-triggered nuclear fallout to deal with! That’s right, I’m talking about YOU, Japan! Hay-o!”
Try to become the Foursquare mayor of the Denver city jail.
Operate a motor vehicle.
Have a manic episode and do a series of nationally televised interviews. Make sure to call your former employer a contaminated little maggot and insist that you have tiger blood. Then give yourself alcohol poisoning. Dying is for fools.
Paint yourself green — using permanent marker.
Draw questionable conclusions using unsubstantiated statistics and non-peer-reviewed studies to support them. That’s right, we’re going off the fucking hook over here.
Take your dog for a walk. Let him crap all over the place.
Wear a “Fuck me, I’m Irish” shirt to your office job
Obtain one Lucky Charms tattoo.
Buy “The Town” on Blu-ray.
Spray-paint festive shamrocks on your girlfriend’s car and then ask her to drive you to bars.
